Things practiced: going on, making a life the only way anyone can, step by step

I shoudn’t be but I’m dazed by how much fits into ten years and how little, how much has changed and how everything is just the same.

The Black Divide from Dusy Basin 11388β€²

How I get used to it kills me. The way it’s night and then suddenly it’s not and I’m in the full sun of a new day, and I just… stop noticing it. Against all reason, I plan for a future I assume will come, I believe the person I love is always coming back.

North Palisade and Mount Winchell from Dusy Basin 11388β€²

Like, look how miraculous it is to be here. That each next thing is still the best possible thing, that where I’m going is where I want to go, all over again. That I’m stupidly rebuilding my stupid little dreams.

Isosceles Peak from Dusy Basin 11388β€²

It’s easy to take someone’s life in your hands but not so easy to study, to keep on trying when we mess up, to choose something over and over and believe, truly, that repetition brings transcendence.

Saddlerock Lake 11128β€² / Dusy Basin Lake 11388 11388β€²

But the opposite of taking things for granted is also stupid. Like being outside on a very beautiful day in the late summer and stubbornly trying to find meaning it doesn’t need.

Chocolate Peak, Inconsolable Range, and blue beyond from Timberline Tarns 11076β€²

We don’t have to be good. We can get up anyway, we’re allowed to make the old things new. Throw up a sturdy structure against the swelling dark, throw on a light fleece, and huddle against the cold.

Timberline Tarns 11076β€² twelve hours later
Bishop Pass Trail/cross-country in Dusy Basin
Lembert Dome 9455β€²

And in the morning I wake up thinking this is it, this time, this time, this time. This time I know better, this time I will do it right.

death / desolation

Tools used: backpacks, maps, “a Sony point-and-shoot,” a growing obsession with the wilderness

Desolation Wilderness, 8120β€²

Death Valley, -140β€²

In the canyonlands / from the edge of the world

Things practiced: not looking at screens, suicide postponed, photography I guess

The Colorado Plateau has somehow, through a series of coincidences, survived as a coherent block since the Precambrian; nowhere else on Earth can we see such a history of the last two billion years.

One couldn’t dream a place like this. The sky is open all the way; I only want to walk a little longer.

Here’s a world far larger than our own, that stretches into the ancient past and continues into a future beyond human limits; here the landscape is infinite, its bounds beyond the horizon of human knowledge, its possibilities endless. Weird as hell.

The desert has no center. It’s a riddle with no answer, a distant and uninhabitable planet. The desert waits outside, waits for us all: desolate and still and strange, grotesque in its shapes and colors and forms: canyon, butte, mesa, reef, fin, slot, dome, escarpment, pinnacle, maze, sand dune.

The desert says nothing, it lies there like the bare skeleton of being, spare, sparse, austere, utterly useless, clean, pure, simple, untouchable by the human mind.

The land is sand or sandstone, naked, monolithic, austere, unadorned, like the moon, or Mars.

Here are canyons a thousand feet deep where you could fall for days on end, hoodoos pinnacled red and pink and beige, white and pink ice cream swirls of slickrock, labial outlines giving way to jumbles of rock, light surreal blurring the bounds of cloud and sky. Clean air to breathe; stillness, solitude, and space; a weight of time enough to let thought and feeling roam from here to the end of the world; finding something intimate in the lonely, primordial, remote, unfamiliar world. We’re let to roam; we’re let to breathe; suspended in this space between sunrise and sunset.

It’s an inverse wilderness β€” instead of mountains, the land recedes; instead of scaling peaks, we descend into the Earth. The sky empties us so that our minds matches the landscape, our thoughts sparse and simple. Shade and water are key; nothing else matters; consciousness is reduced to its essence. Rocks spreading glorious shade; the whole sky ours to write on; the vanishing point of the sun extinguishing time forever. We are alive here right now; all else is irrelevant; we are pleased as long as we have something to eat, our bodies, light to see by; our vision, touch, hearing, taste, smell are sharpened and heightened; I can’t sleep for being alive. The human heart has the capacity still to remember and say, forever.

We learn how to be alone and at the edge of aloneness how to be found by the world. We’re left with a distilled essence of self; we dare a new unknown to find us here.

Each stone and grain of sand exists in and for itself with a clarity untarnished by any suspicion of a different dimension. Only the sunlight holds things together, abundant, wasteful. The desert reveals itself nakedly, cruelly, with no meaning but its own existence. Life comes to a standstill, and we wait on the shore of time, free, temporarily, from the requirements of motion and progress, hope and despair. The clocks have gorged themselves on our time.

The world is so alive, the strangeness and wonder of existence underlined; life not crowded upon life as in other places but scattered in spareness and simplicity, with space for each so that each living organism stands out bold and brave and vivid against the sand and rock. The moon hangs over the canyon, a tiny radiance in a dark place. Imagine you wake up with a second chance.

We expect wilderness to be spectacular β€” that is, a spectacle outside ourselves, a scenic wonderland, scenery instead of nature. The highest mountain, the largest geyser, the biggest tree, the deepest canyon.

In that first moment in which we wake there is a slanting light, a small opening into the day, which closes the moment we begin our plans. What we can plan is too small for us to live.

It’s absence that creates the feeling of wildness β€” the absence of roads, human intrusions, our preconception of what is sublime. Maybe we fear our capacity to feel, and so annihilate physically and symbolically all that might make us tender, silence the music and reduce beauty to a collection of objects we can curate and control. We homogenize the outdoors to homogenize our innards, erase our inner ugliness, destroy our selves.

Maybe wilderness lives only in places without maps. We draw maps so that we don’t lose our way, but it’s only because the way was lost to us already that we did. The world cannot be lost, and the maps we’ve drawn ourselves can’t save us, can’t find the way again for us. We think of maps as pictures of reality, but they twist our minds away from what’s real, and create the situation they describe. Instead of helping us find our way they proscribe the way we can think of ourselves.

People paying more attention to what other people tell them than to their own perception is the beginning of civilization. Perhaps in our homogenization of landscape, we’ve eliminated beauty from our lives. We stand at the edge of the fathomless crowd.

If we can learn to love space as deeply as we’re obsessed with time now, we might discover a new way to live. The light insists on itself in the world; we want to be loved shamelessly, by the shameless.

Sometimes we need to push ourselves into existence; to reach into areas where we might potentially fail. Sometimes it takes a sky to find a first slice of freedom in your own heart, someone has written something new in the ashes of your life. You’re not leaving, even as the light fades quickly. You’re arriving.

Why not wake at dawn, after all is gone, and go on? Don’t stop; breathe in; breathe out; the world was made to be free in; the rocks framing, only for now, our horizon. In this place we leave everything we know behind.

We’re still here, breathing and constellated, small and infinite and quiet. The sky is dimming so fast it seems alive and we have our whole lives ahead of us.


Tools used: a crop-sensor DSLR, Lightroom, Premiere

Remarkitecture NYC: Lower Manhattan

Tools used: camera, D3.js, being a touristy dork

Thing practiced: documenting neat buildings so I don’t forget

I’ve always loved beautiful buildings, and New York as their apotheotic urban motherland. Cities (and humans) have to perpetually reinvent themselves to stay alive, and New York is the best example of this I know. There’s vast beauty in the uniformly-timeworn structures of Renaissance Florence or the Campidoglio, true β€” but a modern city needs more.

Architecture, as Vincent Scully says, is a conversation between generations. What New York’s architecture shows us is that we can both safeguard the past and believe that today can be just-as-good or better.

See the clicky-map version (
, or just the notes; all photos from May 9–13, 2015.


Tools used: camera, tripod, Lightroom, Photoshop

I love the idea of capturing time, of places where time is a visible dimension. (Seems so dΓ©modΓ© that we can live in space and videostream from Japanese mountaintops but still can’t travel in time.)

Lower Manhattan from Riverside Park, Hoboken (32 shots/34 minutes)

Downtown LA from Elysian Park (13 shots/19 minutes)

Photos: A (over) B

Thing practiced: pretend Instagram

Tool used: Canon EF-S 24mm f/2.8 pancake lens

Photos: Points, edges

Thing practiced: having a camera on me

Tools used: Canon EOS Rebel T3i, Canon EF 40mm f/2.8 pancake

Radiohead β€” No Surprises

Things practiced: looking out the window

Tools used: Canon Rebel T3i running Magic Lantern (video), Yamaha P120 electronic piano + Zoom H4n audio recorder (sound)

―‒ ――

Photos: San Francisco

Thing practiced: walking around

Photos: Around LA

Thing practiced: photography

Tools used: Canon Rebel T3i, Canon 40mm f/2.8 lens

El Matador SB (Malibu) – f/3.5, 1/1600 s, ISO 100
El Matador SB (Malibu) – f/4, 1/250 s, ISO 100

Angeles Crest Highway (Mount Wilson) – f/4, 1/3200 s, ISO 100

Mount WilsonGetty
Angeles Crest Highway (Mount Wilson) – f/4, 1/2000 s, ISO 100
Getty Center (Brentwood) – f/2.8, 1/40 s, ISO 3200

Getty Center (Brentwood) – f/2.8, 1/1000 s, ISO 100

Lake ShrineLake Shrine
Lake Shrine (Pacific Palisades) – f/4.5, 1/120 s, ISO 400
Lake Shrine (Pacific Palisades) – f/4.5, 1/160 s, ISO 250

Lake Shrine (Pacific Palisades) – f/11, 1/120 s, ISO 160

Photos: California coast

Thing practiced: photography

Tools used: Canon Digital Rebel T3i, Canon 40mm pancake lens, and a hat to keep my hair from flying into the shot

Point Reyes National Seashore Point Reyes National Seashore – f/2.8, 1/400 s, ISO 100

Julia Pfeiffer Burns State ParkPoint Reyes National Seashore
Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park – f/8, 1/20 s, ISO 100
Point Reyes National Seashore – f/2.8, 1/2000 s, ISO 100

Limekiln State Park Limekiln State Park – f/2.8, 1/20 s, ISO 100

Photos: Around LA

Thing practiced: photography

Tools used: Canon Digital Rebel T3i with a Canon 40mm EF f/2.8 pancake lens and a Tiffen circular polarizer

Huntington Library - outside Huntington Library, near main gallery – f/2.8, 1/80 s, ISO 100 Huntington Library - rose garden Huntington Library, rose garden – f/2.8, 1/500 s, ISO 100 Huntington Library - Japanese garden Huntington Library, Japanese garden – f/2.8, 1/80 s, ISO 200 Huntington Library - Japanese garden Huntington Library, Japanese garden – f/2.8, 1/60 s, ISO 320

Huntington Library - bamboo forestHuntington Library - desert garden
Huntington Library, bamboo forest – f/2.8, 1/80 s, ISO 1600
Huntington Library, desert garden – f/2.8, 1/60 s, ISO 200

Huntington Library - lily pond Huntington Library, lily pond – f/2.8, 1/60 s, ISO 1600 Griffith Observatory Griffith Park, walk up to the observatory – f/2.8, 1/25 s, ISO 3200 Griffith Observatory Griffith Observatory, southeast view – f/2.8, 0.3 s, ISO 3200 Griffith Observatory Griffith Observatory, southeast view – f/2.8, 1/25 s, ISO 3200